in the days
I don’t feel so lucky
I look for you
In the aftermath
of my all of my added doubts
I count to ten
Backwards
Hoping
I’ll finally catch a breath
At zero
And maybe
Get the chance
To start this life over
Maybe with you
Playing a different
Character, in this time
Every morning
I snooze my alarm
Exactly 5 times
Before I decide to
Roll my heavy eyes
Body
Dice
Out of bed
And take a chance
On living again
Sometimes it not so easy
Never knowing
What side of the bed
You’ll wake up on
Or how many lottery
Tickets will fall gently
On your lap
Soaking up the
Next generation
Of karma
Dance & good fortune
But not being able
To hold it
Tightly enough
For it to stick
The cat looks at me
And laughs and I laugh
And cry back,
“hey wait up”
I need nine more lives
To try to keep up
To my rage
Yeah, I refuse to give up
But fuck-
Sometimes my limbs
Are glued to the bed
& I’d rather stay hungry
Then have to deal
With another piled dish
Adulting has
Been hard without you in it
And I’ve never once
Have had the space to
Even admit it
I once pulled a card
That told me
That I should talk to my father
About the moon again
But I did
And all he did was
Dream about another
Tree house that he will
Never build
My father was a dreamer, yeah
But also a liar
And his
Lack of dependability
Lead me
Counting back from ten
All the way
Down to zero again
When I feel not so lucky
I also think of him
This way- as the joker
The fool
The one that lead
Me all the way down the rainbow
Without a pot of gold
More like more men
That left me hanging
By a thread
Stitched
Into my veins
“This is it, Bobbi
This is all you’ll ever get”
Convoluted sound
Ringing from their mouths
Moving swiftly in and out
Sawing my confidence
In quarters
So they can swallow me whole
And take credit
For my earnings
I don’t expect
To cash out stars
Or find boys
That aren’t from Mars
But I do want to feel
The strain of luck
seeping through
My pores
So my palms can hold
A place called home
Without you in it
And maybe count
To ten
Onward
Forward
And
Push my luck
To number
11.
